Midnight-fox18's Art Zone

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Under the Stars
Under the Stars

Dis is my art stash ...Some pictures are old so please excuse those :/

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June 4th, 2018, 2:21 pm

Midnight-fox18

Health Update

For those of you who are just here for the art and whatnot, don’t worry, you don’t have to read through this. I’m leaving this here for those who may be concerned about the amount of vent art posted lately, and how sad and anxious I’ve been feeling.
So, as you likely already know, I’ve felt really anxious and sad at times for a long while now. And it started getting pretty bad last January, eventually got to where it was tough to function due to negative thoughts clouding my brain. I tried counseling, but it wasn’t enough to help with the level of anxiety and depression I was dealing with at the time, although it might be able to help if there was a way to lower the amount of negative feelings.
And that’s where medication comes in.
After waiting so long, this morning, I was finally able to get an appointment with a doctor, and they prescribed me some medication. I think it was called Zoloft (Sertraline). Hopefully it will be able to help the depression and anxiety not have so much control over my life, and maybe it’ll help the conseling start to work too.
But yeah
Just posting this to say that I got the medicine, hopefully things will start to get better, and I can be more happy and productive.
Thanks for being here, and even just listening to me, through this whole mess <3


By the way, as a reward for bearing with listening to me through this ... I may or may not be preparing a comic project that could be released later this summer.
:3

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March 12th, 2018, 12:08 am

Midnight-fox18

Life Status

Warning: This message accidentally turned super long while I was typing it. You don’t have to read it, sorry for the inconvenience.

So
I guessed that I should probably give an update on my life, given how quiet I’ve been lately. Plus, some of you are my friends, and might wonder what’s going on.
I’m sorry to say that the update on my life ... isn’t very good.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety-related issues lately. Or at least, I’m guessing it relates to anxiety.
Just ... feeling constantly stressed and scared, I guess? ...
I don’t know ...
I’ve been having a lot of full blown anxiety freakouts lately that I didn’t want to talk about earlier. Mostly at school. Like, one was during a Spanish presentation, another during art, another before school started, another in chem class, you get the point. They’re not fun, and they typically end up with me in a crying, shaking, mess. I hate it. I’ve never had to deal with this before, and I feel so weak and helpless for not overcoming these panic attacks or whatever they’re called.
The constant stress also is giving me a hard time focusing in school too. My grades are dropping, where I used to be a straight A student, and that’s eating away at my confidence.
My confidence in myself at this point is so low that I’ll often end up scared of the next day. It makes no sense to be scared, but I feel like something is going to go wrong and that I’ll mess up either way. Hell, sleeping itself has become scary to me, because that makes tomorrow come all that much faster, and it feels like I have freakouts almost every night. #403 helps me through it late at night when no one else can, bless his soul <3
But yeah ... the stress ...
It’s messing up grades, messing up sleep, and messing up my social life too ...
I feel like the irritation my stress has caused has chased away the majority of the friends I have irl
I feel so much more disconnected from my family due to the stress
And it’s messing stuff up here too
There’s nothing I want more in the world to be all happy and confident and chatting with everyone like I used to, like a lot of you do ... there’s nothing I want more than to join in. But somehow, SJ has become a HUGE source of anxiety for me.
You’re not even doing anything wrong, I’m the one who’s afraid of doing wrong.
Whenever I go to reply, I feel extremely nervous most of the time, and then I’m nervous when people reply.
And it’s even worse in private conversations on SJ and Line.
I don’t know what it is about the private ones, but they make me even more nervous than the public or group ones, regardless of the person (with the exception of 403) My heart beats super fast, I feel scared out of my mind, my stomach may even get a sick feeling, and then I don’t reply, even if it’s supposed to just be a casual conversation.
But it’s not like I can just be silent, because now the possibility of being forgotten forever scares me. I don’t want to feel alone.
God my heart is beating so fast as I’m typing this
It’s like there’s no good choice I can make in my life that won’t end up in more stress and fear.
And that anxiety is just tearing up all corners of my life
And I want it to stop, but I don’t know how to make it stop, because no matter what choice I make I’ll end up stressed, and the cycle continues.
My mom tried getting ahold of a counselor but I don’t even know what the latest update is on that and if she’ll see me or not
The school counselor is trying to help, but the feeling still persists

If any of you know of something I could do, please tell me. I want this to stop so badly.
Sorry for the long message, it accidentally turned into a vent and a plea for help
But if you’re still reading, thank you for listening anyways.

8 comments

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December 14th, 2017, 7:57 pm

Midnight-fox18

Relax <3

So, I’ve seen that a lot of people have been really worried about the possible loss of net neutrality.
And I just want to say that it’s going to be okay <3
While I’m no expert on the subject, based on what I’ve read, net neutrality prevents internet service providers from charging websites to run as fast as others??? So without it, the websites and maybe us will have to pay more.
But first off, it’s unlikely that this repeal is going to even go through. I think the FCC or whatever it is wants net neutrality repealed, but this still hasn’t gone through the courts yet. FCC tried taking away net neutrality twice before, with no success.
Plus, Americans are EXTREMELY against the possible repealing of net neutrality, and there are many who will become angry and active in order to get net neutrality to stay.
And if, despite the odds, net neutrality is repealed?
We’ll be fine
Net Neutrality wasn’t around until 2015, and we were fine before then. SJ has been around since either 2005 or 2006, and it was okay, and still is going strong. I was around SJ in 2014 (silent guest) and it was okay. I could still read all the comics and talk if I wanted to. Worst case scenario, if it gets repealed, then SJ possibly becomes a little slower.
And I myself didn’t have to pay to get on the internet pre-2015, I guess my parents just did it?? Idk I was 12 at the time and didn’t pay attention to these things XD
It shouldn’t be crazy expensive, my family has a pretty average income I think, and back pre-2015 they were able to pay for all of our internet activities just fine, like how all of your families likely did at the time.
While I’m by NO MEANS an expert on the subject, and CANNOT predict the future, it looks like everything is going to end up okay whether net neutrality stays or is repealed by Congress (which is pretty unlikely)
So, if it’s not a big deal, then why are websites and videos all over it acting like it is?
... because it makes good clickbait ;3
But yeah, it looks like you can relax X3

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October 29th, 2017, 7:43 pm

Midnight-fox18

Vent

Okay, I can’t hold it in any longer, I just can’t. There’s so much stuff I’ve been trying to hold back, and I need to let it go so I can begin to heal.
Note: This vent won’t have any stuff about how “bad” I think I am. It will just be everything I’ve been trying to hold back for 8 months. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, I’m doing this for myself.

So ... haha, I guess nothing’s really been the same in my world since the end of February. That’s when it started.
That’s when people I knew and loved started getting really depressed. I guess it was slowly building up to that, but I never thought it would get that bad.
... long and sad story short, it was pretty much innocent and beautiful people thinking they deserved to die. NO ONE deserves to die by their own hand, all alone. I don’t care who it is who’s reading this, each and every one of you are beautiful people who deserve to live out your wonderful lives, and if you wish to die, PLEASE get help. Surround yourself with people who care.
But yeah ... they’re all still alive today and getting better, thank goodness. Please don’t blame yourselves for any of this, it’s just me becoming weary.
I’m so tired ... fighting for a life that isn’t yours isn’t easy, and after so much time of fighting so hard, of being so worried, of waking up with the fear that one of your friends will be dead, it really gets to you, even if things are getting better now.
... this might be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever said here (and 2015 me said some really ridiculous stuff lmao) but the death of SS Ships was a factor too ^^”
I know that to everyone else, it was a goofy place to have fun, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
But since I was the creator of it, it was a source of other things too for me ...
It filled me with happiness to see people having fun there, to make new friends through it, to see something that was my doing become the heart of the community. And it made me happy to solve any conflicts there, keep people’s online lives safe and fun. I just don’t know how to describe it ...
... I also don’t know how to describe the blow to my soul that having that taken away from me was ...
All that leadership and helpfulness and happiness ... BAM! A shadow of who I once was, where few even know who I am. To make things even worse, I was the one who invited HIM ... and now what I once had is gone ...
I’ve been on the edge, and I’ve snapped a lot. I’ve gotten extremely angry and hurt people, just go ask anyone on Line. I don’t really want to talk about it, I’m not proud of the things I’ve said.
I don’t like hurting people I love with my sadness or rage. I don’t like messing up and fearing that an innocent person will die from my mistake.
And that’s why I’m super quiet bam

Sorry that it was so long, and sorry to the people who’ve already heard all this stuff in the past :’3
... I just wish things could be like they were in 2016 again, you know? ...
I wish I could say all the right words and it would all be better. Everyone’s sadness gone, everyone’s wounds healed, the world restored to the paradise it once was.
But I don’t know what the right words are.

6 comments

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August 21st, 2017, 10:21 pm

Midnight-fox18

.

I'm sorry for existing and being a mess that ruins everything and hurts everyone I'm sorry

7 comments

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